A good family life may be alignments of principles and priorities of both espouses. But the best one is the blending of differences into a synchronize co-existence. It is not a “bonsai art” of forcing forms and figures but enhancing differences and accepting them inside out.
I and my girlfriend are from two different personalities. She likes the crowd; I prefer a private life. Her combined social media followers are over 500K; mine is less than 200 people. She is liberal; I am conservative. She wants to work abroad as oppose to my preference.
Early on our relationship, we joined the wagon of the majority in the journey of relationships. That is, re-calibrating our preferences into common grounds of understanding.
It seems cute to share the same likes, hobbies, or aspirations. But later, we find ourselves pursuing dreams that are not our own. I pretended to be happy when I do things that interest her. She acted as she is satisfied when I pushed and helped her land a corporate job.
We try to cloak the dissatisfaction as being the needed “sacrifices” that defined the worth and value of relationship. But things are worthless when they are not important. Cars can be broken, homes can be wrecked, career can be surrendered, or investments can be wasted if they are not anchored in the very core of our respective dreams.
Until we decided to free each other to pursue our own dreams as defined by our own hearts. It does not mean, however, that we need to break our relationship.
I could be a good husband if I fulfill her wants. She could be a good wife if she follows my wishes. But both of us can only be best if we are free to follow each of our respective dreams. It took us years to understand that we can pursue different dreams while preserving our relationship.
Our beautiful life started when we let go of the traditional conjugal aspirations. By freeing her to the journey of her dreams, I helped created the best version of herself.
But we made sure that while we are pursuing different and independent career paths, we remain the biggest fan of each other. We shielded ourselves from falling into societal lure that may distract us.
More than seeking the approval of society, we only listen to the songs of our hearts. More than the applauds of the world, we only seek the cheers of our family. We do not allow other expectators of life to define us – our family, relationship, or norms. We negotiate life and society with our very own terms.
By sharing our differences, we understand the value of our respective aspirations. By helping each other refine the very best of our potentials, we become not only masters of one but two selves. By reaching our respective dreams, we share not only one but two crowns of success.
We cascaded the same principle to our child. We do not want him to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer someday. But one that can define his own dreams and pursue the roads that lead to them. That way, we share to him the truly beautiful life.