I couldn’t imagine that I spent the last 10 years of my life with her. I couldn’t believe that we share the parenthood role. On the manuals of compatibility, we stand on different ends.
She isn’t the woman of my dream.
I dream of a girl that will listen to the agonies of my weakness and embrace the marks of my imperfection. I wish for a woman that will always understand the complexities of my choices. I prayed for the passionate – one that can always give life when the house is lonely and my days are weary. She is not.
For countless times, she left me on life’s many crossroads. She chided the bruises of my struggles. She abandoned me when I needed her the most.
She isn’t the heroine that I wish.
I always wish for a “Joan of arc”, a heroine that can don her armor and fight beside me. I fancied for the fearless woman who does not tremble on the fields of war. I prayed for one that can stand tall against the faces of many enemies. I longed for her that do not shiver and shudder in the rivers of blood. She is not.
I fought many battles alone. I bore the marks of my wounds. At times, I questioned if she really love me.
She isn’t my Cinderella.
I dream to spend my lifetime in the fantasy land – where smiles never end, and happiness never lasts. I want to experience the land of never ending enchantment and the life of happily-ever-after.
But she is not my Cinderella. She is not always kind, not always believing, not always a dreamer, not always sweet, and not always humble. She is beautiful but cruel, wicked, and jealous.
Yet I spent the last 10 years of my life with her. I don’t even notice how fast time flies.
She is not my ideal woman. But I would never wish for another.
I love it when she knows that I need to slay some dragons alone. I treasure it when she perceives that there are wars that we are not meant to fight together. She never robs me the opportunity to hone my strength from the battles of life.
She is not my ideal woman. She is more.
She genuine and true, never trying to pretend what she is not. She throws away fairy tales. She shrugs illusion and deceptions. She snobs the glorious offer of fantasies and taught me to embrace the essence reality.
She is not my ideal woman, but she perfectly fits in bringing out my ideal self.